More than Coincidence: Remembering Jesus Christ in Your Story

Blessings from the Temple with Ashlee

• Lily • Season 1 • Episode 36

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What blessings have you personally seen from worshiping in the temple? In this episode, Ashlee boldly testifies that all of her greatest blessings and distinct moments with the Savior have been directly linked to the time she has spent in the temple as both an ordinance worker and patron. From intense difficulty transitioning to college life, the passing of her dear brother, and throughout her fertility journey, temple service became a very personal way Ashlee could commune with divinity and find peace during each harrowing trial. Her testimony of the power received from dedicating time to temple service is incredible and we’re so excited to share it with you! 

Please reach out to me if you are interested in sharing your story! I would LOVE to hear from you. :)

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**Transcripts available on website!

Speaker 1:

Hello everyone and welcome to, more Than Coincidence, remembering Jesus Christ in your Story. As the author and finisher of our faith, our Savior writes personal experiences into each of our lives which can later strengthen, empower and bring us peace upon reflection. This podcast is dedicated to sharing these anchoring memories from everyone's unique stories in order to collectively remember and testify of the reality of Jesus Christ and his presence in our lives. I'm your host, lily, and I'm very excited to share these experiences together. Good evening, everybody. Tonight we have Ashley. How are you doing?

Speaker 2:

Ashley Scared. No, I'm good.

Speaker 1:

It's okay, you're doing great, thank you. Would you mind introducing yourself for everybody really fast?

Speaker 2:

Yeah, I'm Ashley. I'm married to Jason Harvey and we have two really cute girls, a five-year-old and a two and a half year old and I'm pregnant with a really active little boy.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, yeah, that's exciting. So what memories do you have that you reflect on, that prick your heart in remembrance of your savior jesus christ, and anchor you to him?

Speaker 2:

great question. Um, I've been thinking about this a lot and I have thought about a million and one different things, so being vulnerable can be really hard for me. Uh, but my whole life I felt strongly that I've been giving, like given opportunities um in, or experiences in my life that can help others, like through their struggles. Yeah, which is like fun, but also like why?

Speaker 2:

yeah, some of the experiences are like so hard and I'm like I feel like I only get like a little bit, whereas some people like, yeah, struggle with certain things, like really, like it's a huge struggle and I get just a dip of like everything. I feel like, yeah, and it's been awesome because I've been able to like talk. I love talking, yeah, and I've been able to help people. But it's also hard and it's hard to be vulnerable, because then I have to like share my story, right, and I like helping others with theirs, but I don't necessarily have to talk about mine, right, but like one goal in my life is to be a social worker, oh yeah, and I just, I've always just liked helping people and like.

Speaker 2:

I think that, like some of the trials I've had, is like what has helped me want to be a social worker and I like specifically want to help be a social worker in nikkus, which I'll talk about the NICU later. But I wouldn't have that desire if I hadn't had, like that life experience Right, and so I'm grateful for these. But it's also scary to be vulnerable. Yeah Well, thank you for being vulnerable.

Speaker 2:

Here we go, okay. So there's like a big chunk of my life where I just feel like I was given like experience after experience and they all just kind of like connected like a puzzle, like it was like a two-year lifespan, but like, yeah, the story wouldn't be, wouldn't be complete without each little thing. Yeah, and it just like it was just so obvious to me that like god had his hand in every little thing in the, the mountains, and in like the valleys. So in 2014, I went to byu idaho. I love byu idaho. First, like so many I don't know, just amazing school, amazing people there. Yeah, um, my first semester there was 2014 fall and I was 18 and it was one of the hardest semesters I've ever gone through, not gonna lie. Um, I I found like a at byu idaho. There's not many people do like freshman housing.

Speaker 1:

Oh, interesting.

Speaker 2:

Yeah. So like I found just a really good apartment complex that I heard really good things about, it's called Nauvoo House. I loved it. It was awesome, but a lot of people I soon realized were older in that complex I mean older to me at the time- Like they were like 22, 23.

Speaker 1:

19's a baby. Exactly, I'm 18 and I'm with a bunch of like 22, 23. 19's a baby.

Speaker 2:

Exactly, I'm 18 and I'm with a bunch of like 22, 23 year olds, yeah, so I was like okay, like they all think I'm so immature and young, like I was already stressed, right, but they were really like the roommates I had that semester were so sweet, uh-huh, and they helped me get through a lot.

Speaker 2:

But ultimately I just put a lot of like pressure on myself. Yeah, lot of like pressure on myself. Yeah, that semester and I had I had pressure put on me by other people too, right, other like leaders and stuff that at the now, looking back, I'm like, okay, yeah, there's probably a lot to put on an 18 year old right like it was. It was my first experience like getting out of the house and being alone, right I'd done summer term at BYU Provo which was awesome.

Speaker 2:

But like, yeah, I'm living in this different state, away from my family, I'm adulting and I already put pressure on myself, but I had a lot of pressure from me and others and it was just I got really stressed and I learned, um, really, what anxiety was that semester? Yeah, uh, it got really hard and like to the point where I was just like I can't function and I decided to try not the healthiest um, what's the word coping techniques? Yeah, I didn't. I didn't use the healthiest coping techniques and so, um, I was working out way too much and I wasn't eating and I was just so stressed and I learned that if I made myself throw up, I felt better.

Speaker 2:

Right, and that was not great and it got very often and it was really hard, but like that was somehow to me in that time of my life helped me feel like I had control and like it didn't really stem from a eating standpoint. It was a stress thing for me. It was this is helping my stress. I am so stressed I need to work out or I need to throw up or I need to, or I can't eat because I'm just so nauseous. And and it was just hard. It was a lot I was dealing with at that time, right and thinking about um. So at the end of that semester, um with BYU-Idaho, they give you two like semesters to attend. Oh yeah, it's interesting. It's not like you just go to school year round, it's like, okay, you're gonna go fall semester and then you're going to go spring semester, or you're going to go fall semester and winter semester, not like BYU where you literally could be just a student year round.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, and like, if you are assigned this semester, you can't go the semester, you're off, and this helps them to get like more students at the school. Yeah, which is awesome, but it was interesting at the school. Yeah, which is awesome, but it was interesting.

Speaker 2:

But when I was assigned, I was assigned fall, spring, so I couldn't go during winter, which was nice, because winter in Idaho is it's really not fun, yeah, um, and it also ended up being really good because after struggling through that first semester of school, I needed a break, yeah, and I realized I was just like in a really unhealthy place and I wasn't doing good and I needed help. So I went home to California that's where I'm from and found the best therapist I've ever had, um, to this day I've. I love therapy. I think everybody needs a therapist, but I've gone through so many therapists and she's still my favorite.

Speaker 2:

Looking back, she just like could. She knew what to say, she knew how to help me, she was bold. She made me like, take accountability for my actions and it was really needed and it was good. It was good that I was going to therapy and I was just home, so I was working on myself. I was going to therapy. I decided that I needed that help from a professional, but I also needed help from God, and so I also just delved into trying to be better, read my scriptures and she was. She was also, um, a part of the Church of jesus christ of latter-day saints and she I loved that. She. She used god when she was talking to me and she made it very clear that, like I, could not be healed or helped through this trial without god and so she'd give me challenges each week to work on myself.

Speaker 2:

But she also challenged me to turn to God. Yeah, um, and so I did. I turned to God a lot and as I was home that semester, I really started thinking, okay, well, I'm working hard, maybe.

Speaker 2:

I want to go on a mission like this is kind. Single family member in my family has served a mission. Yeah, do you feel the pressure? Yeah, yeah, lots of pressure, but, but not that anybody put pressure on me, it was just the thing to do. In my family, both my parents served missions. I have eight siblings, yeah, and every single one served a mission, so it was just like the thing to do and they all had amazing experiences.

Speaker 2:

I guess let me take that back One of them didn't serve a mission, but he served in the military. So, yeah, equivalent, right, serving God and country Exactly so hard. Anyways, sorry, right, serving serving god and country exactly so hard. Uh, anyways, sorry, um, but it was just like it was a natural thought process for me, more like not that I didn't, not that I felt a whole ton of pressure, just that it was like a natural next step, like, well, right, maybe I'll serve a mission. Yeah, like I'm really learning about God right now and about myself and this is what's bringing me joy, right, so maybe I should go out and share this, right, and so it just felt good and it felt right. But like, okay, we'll start preparing for a mission. So I went to mission prep and it was awesome. I loved the class, it felt right and it's like this is what I'm going to do. I'm going to serve a mission.

Speaker 2:

And I went to the bishop and the stake president. And the stake president looks at me and goes, no, you're not healthy enough. And I was crushed. I was so crushed. I was like and I was crushed. I was so crushed. I was like what do you mean? I'm working so hard. And he's like yeah, but you're struggling with bulimia. Like yeah, you people go on missions, like so many, he told me, like so many young people have been going on missions right now and coming home early because of mental health, right, and they're going out totally healthy. Yeah, he's like if you're still struggling with this, it's gonna get harder. Like you know, when it, when you were stressed last semester, it got worse and so you, you can't do this. And I was like so sad. I was like no, I like I pride myself in being control in.

Speaker 2:

I've got this, it's OK. And he was like here's some things I need you to work on before we can even think about this. And he kind of gave me a list and I went out and did it. I was like, ok, we're going to work on this. And I did. I got really good, I got it under control. Yeah, like I mean you're never really healed from things like that. You, yeah, like I mean you're never really healed from things like that.

Speaker 2:

You always have that thought or like that temptation if you're stressed, but like I had it under control, I felt confident and it was so hard to get to that point, but like I was good, that's what happened to me too yeah, I was like I'm gonna.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, they told me they're like because I had the eating disorder issues and I, you know, was honest and told them, yeah, you're like, we're being honest. And then they told me they're like you need it. You minimally need six months of therapy before we're going to approve your papers. Yeah, and I was like that's what they told me.

Speaker 2:

They were like there's this thing in place yeah. And you're like, ok, well, yep. So I worked on it and I was like, well, I'm still gonna do this because I'm stubborn. I was like nobody can tell me. Now that's hilarious. Um, yeah, it's hard though, because, like I feel for everyone that's that's struggling or coming home, but at the same time I just felt so like this shouldn't be keeping me from it, because I'm aware of it and like I'm hyper aware, and so I'm going to be fine.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, and so it's just so hard for me. I'm going to test all the healing that I've done.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, right, yeah, I'm like, I feel like I've come so far but through these struggles I've become stronger Right, and maybe like in my mind at that time, I had become strong, I'd gone through that struggle and I'd become stronger Right, and I was like it just, it's probably because I need to serve a mission, this is what led me to serve a mission. And so I just I was confused, I was frustrated, but I was like, okay, I'm going to do this. And so I worked harder, I continued going to therapy and to mission prep and all this stuff therapy and to mission prep and all this stuff and after that specific period of time, I was like, hey, I'm ready to resubmit my papers. And you could tell that the state president was definitely nervous about it, I mean, like I did it though, so right, I was like I did everything you asked right.

Speaker 2:

so I submitted my papers and I left for spring semester and I was up at school. I love BYU-Idaho. I mean I was a little nervous to go back just because the last semester had been so hard, Right?

Speaker 1:

Well, like going back into that environment. You wonder, like will I fall back into old habits? Like what's going to happen?

Speaker 2:

Absolutely Well, and something actually that I forgot about was I was going to go back to that same apartment complex Nauvoo house which I mean I liked it. It was awesome, there was really good people and like I had a contract, and the week before I decided I was like I have to sell this, like I need to go somewhere else good for you.

Speaker 2:

and I bought a different contract and I literally moved in and still had the other contract and I was like I need to sell this. And that day someone messaged me and was like hey, can I buy your contract? And it just like worked out because I was so stressed that I was gonna have to pay two contracts that semester, which just showed me that God had a plan. He needed me at that different school and I just trusted him and went with it and was ready to eat my money. But I just felt like it wouldn't happen and Heavenly Father held me back.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, he held me back, so I went to a different apartment complex. I think that was really good, a really good choice for me, just to not be in that environment.

Speaker 2:

And everyone here was my age, which was nice, yeah, so it was good and I was ready, and about halfway through the semester I get a call from my state president, the most confusing call of my life. I to this day I don't really know what happened, but he said you know, I submitted your papers and it's just not the right time. And I was like like you've been told. Like he was like yeah, I got like a letter and you're not supposed to serve a mission, and I'm like wait from church headquarters.

Speaker 2:

I don't know, I didn't ask enough questions yeah, because now, thinking back, I'm like can I see it? Like that's really interesting is this real, because every time I say like I'm like, I just was told it wasn't the right time, yeah, people are like shocked and I'm like it. I, yeah, that's interesting, you're right. So I don't know. I don't know if it was from church headquarters or if he was nervous or yeah, like what it was.

Speaker 2:

I don't know, but I know that he said he submitted the papers and I was just given that response was it's not the right time, and I was like so confused and devastated.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, I would be Every single thing they'd asked. Yeah.

Speaker 2:

I was ticked. Yeah, I was so ticked. Oh, thinking about it now, oh my gosh.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, and I don't. I think it's harder that I don't know what happened. I'm like I need to go ask. Yeah, I just need to go ask, but I don't know. And I mean ultimately looking back, yeah, it was right, it wasn't. I wasn't supposed. Looking back, it was right it wasn't. I wasn't supposed to serve a mission because, as you'll soon find out, I would have missed a lot of stuff in my life had I gone on a mission. But I was angry and sad and I don't know, questioning everything in my life. Very normal. So I went through like a grieving stage, almost Like I can't serve a mission. Everyone in my family very normal, um. So I went through like a like a grieving stage, almost like, yeah, I can't serve a mission, everyone in my family served a mission. Why am I not right? Healthy?

Speaker 2:

enough I worked so hard. What do I need to do better? I don't know right. I was so confused and, like everyone at byu, idaho was like going on missions and sending in papers all my roommates. And I was excited to do the same.

Speaker 2:

I wanted to go on a mission and teach the gospel and spread this joy. Like I was so excited. And as time passed I was like why does this still like I don't know. Like I felt like I should serve a mission. What was that wrong? Was that a wrong prompting? And suddenly I had the thought, like you've always been excited to serve a mission, yeah, but like you've always known, that meant you would go to the temple too and you've always wanted to go to the temple.

Speaker 2:

And I think that was one of the saddest parts for me when I found out I couldn't go to on a mission. Was that means I can't go through the temple? Yeah, and I was like I was so sad because I've always my whole life the temple has just it's like I've just felt a special connection to, and I've always loved being around the temple and wanting to learn more. But at this time it was like not a thing and I was just sad and I wanted to go to the temple and to feel that peace. And I just started thinking about it a lot and I was like, well, it's taboo, like I can't go, I'm not getting married and I'm not going on a mission.

Speaker 2:

Um, and I was just so scared and but I started just thinking about it and my bishop at the time was like we'll just go to temple prep. And I was like, okay, so I started going to Temple Prep and I was like, okay, so I started going to Temple Prep up at BYU-Idaho and I heard a rumor that like, oh, they were maybe easing up on it, like they might. And it was like like, like sometimes, like I heard, like it was like somebody was like well, this person that I knew, who had this friend, who like it was like this distant thing.

Speaker 1:

It was that I knew who had this friend who, like it, was like this distant thing was like yeah, they got theirs. Yeah, they.

Speaker 2:

They were in doubt and they didn't go on a mission and didn't go to the temple and I was like, hmm, I'm looking to do shit, right, yeah. So I was like, okay, so I went to temple prep and I was just preparing, and then at the end of the semester I went home and back to California and I was like, ok, I'm going to ask, I'm just going to ask if I can be in doubt. Like worst case scenario, I'll get told no, right, right, which I mean I was kind of scared about, just because I had felt rejected on the mission call.

Speaker 2:

So many times I was going to say yeah, Even though that was never anybody's intention but like many things, even though that was never anybody's intention, yeah, but like in my mind it felt it was hard. So I went to the interview with my bishop and my bishop was like, yeah, I don't see why not Go for it? So then I had my interview with the stake president and I was scared this was the stake president that like had put me through so much. He was such a great guy.

Speaker 1:

But, like my gosh, I felt like I had jumped through hoops. You're like I'm back.

Speaker 2:

I know like seriously. So I walked in I was honestly kind of just scared to see him again, love him. But I was scared and I just sat there for the longest time and he wasn't showing up and I think God knew I had anxiety, like I don't know. But he wasn't showing up and the counselor kept coming out and like where I was from, like I knew the stake presidency or bishopric, like I knew all of them very well. It was just I don't know it was a smaller stake. I guess maybe I don't know it was a smaller stake. I guess maybe I don't know, I just knew everyone, yeah.

Speaker 2:

And so like I was very comfortable, it was men I knew and trusted. And like he kept coming out and being like I'm trying to get a hold of the stake president. I wonder if, like maybe he just forgot, right. And finally, after like 30 minutes or so waiting, he was like I just got a hold of him and I think there was like a family emergency or something, but he's not gonna be able to come in. And he was like so I'm just gonna go ahead and take you back and do it like I feel really good about letting you come back and me giving you this like let's talk, yeah, okay, yeah and I was like yeah, and I was like in my mind, I was like wait, maybe I won't be rejected.

Speaker 2:

I'm like I mean obviously like yeah, if it was right, then the God wouldn't allow me to be rejected.

Speaker 1:

and whatever I felt.

Speaker 2:

But you're like, but I think he was aware of my anxiety. Yeah, and it worked out as it should have, like it needed to for my nerves. Yeah, and it worked out as it should have, like it needed to for my nerves. So I went back and like we just chatted and he was really nice and like we finished and he was like, well, I don't see why not. And I was just like, oh my gosh, awesome. I was so excited, I was so happy, like I wasn't being like I something that I wanted so badly, I was being told I could do and it was like such a righteous desire. I just felt like I was finally being heard and I got my recommend and I was I. I was so excited and so I went, I was endowed at the San Diego temple and yeah, it's beautiful and it was like 2015 in San Diego. And I went with my parents and I didn't tell anybody because I was like everyone's going to think I'm just too young.

Speaker 2:

I was like I just turned 19. Yeah, I just turned 19. And so like I was like I don't want anybody to think I'm just too young to go and I was nervous about it, but like I had such righteous desires and I was so excited and I was treated like a princess holy cow, I think I went the princess temple. In the princess temple I think I went on like a random tuesday or something, so it was quiet and all of them were there, yeah a bunch of sweet old ladies and they were like nothing, like big, exciting things don't happen.

Speaker 2:

Like we don't get to help people get married or go through the temple or like yeah, that doesn't happen on random tuesdays during our shift.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, that happened. We got married on a tuesday and the and they were the same at our temple.

Speaker 2:

They were like we're so happy you're here. Oh my gosh, I felt like a million bucks. I was like I, it was just like I needed to be there at that exact time in my life. Yes, it just was so validating. But like they brought me into the bride's room, they were like you're going to get ready in the bride's room today and it was beautiful and so fun. And they brought me like mints and water and like all this stuff.

Speaker 2:

I was just I felt so special and I mean it's such a big deal. I feel like a lot of times at that time especially, the endowment was just like you get endowed and go on a mission. You get endowed and get married.

Speaker 2:

Right, especially, yeah, the endowment was just like you get endowed and go on a mission. You get endowed and get married. Right, it's like a prerequisite and not like a thing in and of itself. Exactly, whereas like this was like no, this is the temple and this is important and this is all by itself. Yes, and I thought it was so important and I just really felt like that message was like brought home in that moment, like yes you're supposed to to be here.

Speaker 2:

You're being treated like a princess. This is important. You're about to make these covenants. You're about. This is a special thing. It's not a scary thing. It's not something you just kind of do to do as a step for somewhere else.

Speaker 1:

This is a big deal and you've worked for this for a while, and jesus want you here yeah and it just the whole experience was amazing for me.

Speaker 2:

I I've, ever since then, I've just I love the temple, I feel very loved there, I feel very important. It's not some big like, it's just, it just feels natural, it feels like home and I love that and it was just very testimony building for me that Jesus loves me and was aware of me and that he knows where I'm supposed to be at like which point in my life. Right, and you'll later see that there was a very obvious reason why I needed to be endowed at that exact moment in my life. So I was endowed and then I went back up to for fall semester at BYU Idaho and oh, one of my favorite semesters.

Speaker 2:

I had the best roommates, made the best friends coming off a spiritual high, the best, exactly coming off, a spiritual high and the best calling, and I just felt so loved and happy and I was close to God. I was just. I was going to the temple often and I was just like I was happy, I was social. I love being social, like when I'm happy in my life.

Speaker 1:

You can tell because I want to be out, I want to be doing.

Speaker 2:

I want to be doing things. And it was such a fun semester, yeah, and I just felt like everything was going good, I was turning to God, everything. And when I was reading my scriptures one day, like there's no need for change in my life, I am happy, right, and I'm reading my scriptures and I read Alma 38.5. Okay, and it says I would that you should remember that as much as you shall put your trust in God, even so much you shall be delivered out of your trials and your troubles and your afflictions and you shall be lifted up. At the last day I was like, oh, that's beautiful, I love that, but life's good, like. And I just had this prompting in that moment, after reading that I had just gone to the temple and I was like it's like you need to move to Provo. I was like, but I like, I like BYU Idaho, happy, like well, and also like I wanted to be a social worker. They had a major of social work at BYU Idaho, which they didn't have, a bachelor's of social work at BYU, right. I was like there's no reason for me to go there, right, but like my sister and my brother two sisters and my brother lived in Provo and I was going down there a lot just because, like I had family and it was fun, and just I just had that thought like maybe I need to move down there. It's like that could be fun. But I also like it here and I just like I suddenly had this choice to make between two good things yes, which is a hard choice, because it's not like one is the obvious answer, right?

Speaker 2:

Um, and I like wrote in my journal at that time I was like I was starting to think that I should just choose the easier path, like it would totally just be easier to stay at BYU-Idaho. Yeah, I was happy it was less risky. But then I went to the temple and was reading the scriptures and especially in reading this verse, I knew that I had to choose the harder and more uncertain path and just trust God. I was like I I had written like I love how well God knows each of us and he knows exactly what we need to hear, when we need to hear it, and like he helps us know what we need to do. Right, and so I'm glad you wrote that down.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, I had so much faith and I was, I was worried, but like I was like excited. I was like this is right. Yeah, I know that this is right. And so I decided to move to Provo and I had not been accepted to BYU yet. I didn't have a job, I didn't have a place to live, I didn't have a car. By the way, I didn't say this. This um journal entry of me deciding this, of me getting this prompting, was November 4th.

Speaker 1:

Okay, so it's like the end of the semester, like if I was gonna move to Provo.

Speaker 2:

I got it, I had you had to do it and like I already wasn't gonna go to BYU Idaho in winter because that wasn't my semester I had on right. And so I was like, okay, I'm just gonna do this. But it all fell into place. I applied. So immediately I got on and applied for BYU to start spring term and then the last week of November I went to Utah and got a car. So I was like, okay, I've got this. And then on December 14th I got a job and a place to live at the same time and that was the week of finals and I was supposed to be moving the next week. That's insane. And I was like this is obviously meant to happen and like the way it worked out was like my job was as a property manager, like for a bunch of like BYU housing, yeah, and student housing, and so with that they were like so we want you to work here and like, with that we have an opening and you could live here right live here right, and so it was like a job and a place

Speaker 2:

to stay a place, to stay all in one. So I found a job and I was excited about it. So I'm a weekly, I did my finals and a week later I moved. Wow, and I was excited, it was fun, I liked the place and I was like, okay, we'll see how this works out. I mean, I've never been a property manager, worked for a property, right, and the very first week I went to church in that student ward. My bishop's like, hey, I want to meet with you. I'm like, oh well, you're on top of this. Like parents do not get new people in the ward, often Like, okay, and so I go in to meet with him. And I'm like, oh great, like nerve-wracking, like what calling am I going to get? Yeah, and he, I didn't even know, like bishops did this. I don't know he goes, I feel impressed to ask you to be a temple worker. I was like I thought I have to ask for that kind of a thing. I was like whoa.

Speaker 1:

Yes, sign me up.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, I was like that's cool. Like we live just down the street from the Provo city center temple that was still being built, so like it wasn't even open yet. Yeah, open yet. Yeah, the open house hadn't started nothing. And he was like they're trying to get temple workers already signed up to help open this temple and I wanted to ask you if you would do this. And I was like yeah, like yeah, I just got in doubt a couple months ago. Like yeah, that's a lot like yeah, like I'm ready like this is, so is so cool.

Speaker 2:

So I said yes and it was so neat. I got to help with the open house and like, go and let people go through for the first time and see it, and all these young kids and people that have never seen a temple, that temple's beautiful, which was cool.

Speaker 2:

It was such a pretty temple oh my gosh, beautiful temple. And so I helped with the open house beautiful temple. And so I helped with the open house. And then they had this big fireside for all the temple workers. This was before the dedication and it was just for the temple workers to kind of introduce us to what we would be doing, yeah and where. Like yeah, just to introduce us to the temple, to the temple presidency, yeah, and it was so neat. And then afterwards they were like you guys can now drive over to the temple and walk through and and we don't want you to feel like there's anywhere you can't go we want you to know this temple. And it was so cool. It was like eight o'clock at night and I just parked in the parking garage and I got to go. I just got to walk around, like I got to go down by like the oxen, yeah, in the baptistry, yeah it's beautiful, that's really cool and see everything up close any anywhere yeah you any door I wanted to open.

Speaker 2:

I could open like, oh yeah, I felt legit. Uh, march 20th it was dedicated and we opened it that week. A bunch of new people who had never been temple workers before trying to run a temple yep was interesting yeah, yeah it was awesome, though happy chaos, happy chaos.

Speaker 2:

It was great. It worked out. Yeah, um, and I just built a family like the temple workers there. It just felt like a family I was. We got really close. We would do like little brunches and stuff. They were just really sweet and I still yeah, I'm in contact with a lot of people that I worked with there right, it was awesome and I felt like each week I it was like I would, I would go to the temple and just like my energy was renewed. And then by the next week, by the time it was time to go, it was like, oh, yeah, I I need to go again Like yeah it just got me through my week and it was great.

Speaker 2:

So that was like the temple aspect of moving to Provo. I was like, ok, well, obviously for some reason I need to be a temple worker, I need to be endowed the job. I was awesome. It gave me a nice place to live.

Speaker 2:

I also made good friends, um like, from that job I didn't make a whole lot of like good friends in the like ward and neighborhood and stuff, because I was just working all the time and I wasn't going to school like everybody else, yeah so it was a little different than what everyone else was doing, right, but I was working full-time and at that job like my co-workers just were really sweet and I loved working with them and I became really close to a girl named Christina at the time and she was actually the boss's daughter and just we instantly became really good best friends like, yeah, she was awesome and the friends that I met this job like would later help me through like a really difficult time. Then, about mid-march, I think I think it was about mid-march, mid-march I got an email that I had gotten accepted to be by you, yeah, and I was so happy and like two of my classes were women's studies and psychology of happiness and like they were classes that I needed but like were also like interesting yeah unique and I'd heard some things about how, like, women's studies was a little hard, but I was like it's gonna be great um

Speaker 2:

and I was just guided to take those classes and the end of March my mom and my sister were driving around Salt Lake and prayers were answered. That day they ran into my brother, one of my older brothers, who they hadn't seen, we hadn't seen in a really long time and we'd been praying to find him or to see him. Just because we hadn't seen him in a while. He had been going through some struggles that he felt he needed to go through alone, yeah, and we just prayed for him a lot. We were worried about him but they planned to meet up with him for breakfast at IHOP on Easter. So me, my mom and I think just one other sibling ended up meeting up with him at IHOP on Easter. So me, my mom and I think just one other sibling ended up meeting up with him at IHOP and just, oh my gosh, biggest blessing, I have such a special connection with this brother, a special bond, lots of fun memories, and we just talked and we laughed and he was vulnerable with us and after IHOP he he drove, like we drove around and he showed us just some like special places in the city that he'd like, yeah, just were special to him or that had been helping him during a hard time, stuff like that. But, oh my gosh, he gave he's always, he's always given the best hugs, um, and at the end he just gave me the tightest hug. I can still feel it to this day and just the best hug and I just, yeah, I love him.

Speaker 2:

And then, about two weeks later, on April 25th, I was sitting on my bed and I got a phone call from my dad and I was like, oh hey, dad, and he was like Ashley, and I just knew in his tone I was like what's wrong? Like what happened? Like I know something is wrong. And he told me my brother had passed away the and that was so hard for me. I still just all I can remember everything that I felt. And it was so hard and I was shocked. I mean, now looking back, I'm like I was so blessed to have seen him two weeks before, like to have had that hug. Yeah, I felt very fortunate, um, and so that was just a hard time. It was such a hard time I I had to figure out what, like it was just a huge change.

Speaker 2:

But that day I went out on a walk and one of my co-workers that um, one of my co-workers from my job saw me and was like, hey, like do you want to go to dinner? Didn't know anything, she didn't know anything, what had happened, nothing. And she took me to dinner and I didn't tell her anything. And to this day, I'm just so grateful that she was there, like she was meant to be there at that time and she just I just needed to not be alone that night, right, and she knew I like I was emotional, she knew I was going through something and she didn't push me, she was just there. And then the next day, my other friend, christina, yeah, from my job, again, like I was like I met these people at this job.

Speaker 2:

For this time, I feel like she was like, let's go to the temple, like we're going to go, we're going to go to the temple, like you need to, just like, and she had known because I called off work, and like she just knew.

Speaker 2:

And so we um and and like, obviously, like I just I feel so blessed that I had, I was endowed at that time, yep, because that was such a good tool to help me, to help me through. So we went to the temple and in the celestial room, um, like, for those who don't know, like, the celestial room is just a room where you can just sit and be peaceful and and feel close to to your savior. Um, it's just a calm room and and you can go there and just pray and be. And so in the celestial room, um, I was sitting there with Christina and I was crying. I mean, it was the day after, like I, I was distraught. I wasn't just crying, I was distraught, I was being quiet, but I was very upset. And I get a tap on my shoulder and I looked up and it was a professor from BYU, Idaho, but like, for some reason was there in Provo, so random, but she was my favorite professor. I'd had her for Book of Mormon 1 and Book of Mormon 2.

Speaker 2:

She was the best, yeah, and she just was meant to be there at that time, like I gave her a hug and um, she like she was just very sweet and kind and I like kind of mentioned like I just lost my brother, um, and she sent me, like in the mail, a bunch of pamphlets about just like loss and um he had taken his life. So she sent me a bunch of pamphlets about just like loss and um he had taken his life. So she sent me a bunch of like forms about suicide and family members and dealing with it. Because there's just a lot of questions and hard trials that you go through, yes, with that um, yes, very hard, and she just she just needed to be there at that time. I needed to read, read those pamphlets. I needed her hug, I needed to know that was just God being like, hey, I see you, I'm like hi, I love you, Right, and that's a pattern in my life. I feel like God has put people in my life and it was just she needed to be there, I needed to have those friends at the time, I needed to be endowed at the time, like yeah, that's things were just falling into place and I just felt seen, um, and so then, through, like a couple days later I was working at the temple and, um, when you're a temple worker, they'll put you on posts, just like around the temple. And so, um, that day I hadn't told anybody at the temple or anything. I was like I almost called in sick. I was like no, I just need to know.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, and one of the first posts I had was standing near the front of the temple and it was at a time where not many people were coming in, and so I was kind of just standing there by myself, really quiet, had time to just think, and I was standing there staring directly at this beautiful picture of the savior, and I needed to be there. That the picture of Christ, it was just it. It I felt like it was Christ looking at me, like he was, he was seeing me, and I was just reminded that, like I'm not alone, christ, under Jesus, christ, understands what I'm going through and he will be there to lift me up and to help me. And I just sat there, like stood there for 30 minutes, just feeling like Jesus was there, like hugging me, like feeling like he, he was aware of me, just feeling so loved and seen and also knowing that my brother was also being protected and watched after from our Savior. Now he was in his embrace and he wasn't being ignored, he was being watched after and it was such a good thing to know. And obviously I was still. I still had my sad moments. I went home, I still grieved, I still mourned, I still missed him, I wanted him there again. Um right, but that picture of Christ came to my mind often, um, and just helped me to know. And I had several experiences after that of just knowing that my Savior was going to help me through.

Speaker 2:

A week after I found out he passed away, I started spring semester. Definitely not the time to start, let alone like. Byu is a hard school. It's hard. So like something like women's studies or psychology of happiness At BYU Idaho would be like that's a fun course to take.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, no.

Speaker 2:

And at BYU it's like oh the professors are not joking around.

Speaker 1:

Yeah Well, and it's harder when you do the spring and summer term, because it's like a full semester yeah, condensed.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, it's a full semester and half the time the teachers were amazing, though.

Speaker 1:

Yeah.

Speaker 2:

Before class even started, I emailed both of them. I'm just like, look, yeah, this is what's happening in my life. Yeah, this is huge and hard and I don't know how I'm gonna get through this. But right, but I'm gonna try. And both teachers encouraged me to stay in the class. Cool, like both of them, on the first day of class, approached me and were like we're gonna help you, you don't need to drop because I didn't know how I was gonna to do it, right. And they both were like we're going to be here. Like if you're having a hard day and can't come to class, tell me. Or if you're needing more time on an assignment, tell me. Like that's really cool. There's not a timetable for grief and you don't know when it's going to hit. Right and so Right. But they knew that and they were so nice about it Like I just I knew that those were the classes I was needing to be in.

Speaker 2:

Like God knew when I was signing up for my classes that I needed those professors and I needed those classes Right, and I was in good hands, yeah, and so they encouraged me Really hard semester. I had to leave halfway through to go back to California for the funeral. But yeah, it opened up a lot of the feelings. One of the hardest days of my life. Hate funerals to this day.

Speaker 1:

I don't blame you.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, um, but but I was very blessed that, like I, my family had the the means to help me get back so that I could attend the funeral and be there. That was really important, like my healing process and my teachers were really understanding.

Speaker 2:

And like missing a week of school when it the semester is only six weeks, like that's a big deal that's a huge deal, um, but they were very understanding and they they helped me, um, and I think god knew that, like, if I had dropped those classes, it would have just been a darker time. I needed that, those classes to keep me going, to get me out of the house. I needed the, the professors, just to like know somebody was out there that cared, like, that they were reaching out and helping me.

Speaker 1:

It was all right and keep your mind distracted because you had to do an assignment you know right exactly and just knowing, like god knew what I needed, even though it was hard, he knew yeah and the fact that I had was taking a psychology of happiness course, like Right.

Speaker 2:

Holy cow, I learned how to mourn and be sad but also still be able to see joy in life and to just get through the hard time Right. It was a great class. I love psychology of happiness, but it was things I needed to take like classes. God knew where I needed to be that semester and it was hard, but, um, he helped me through and he gave me a savior to help me through. Yeah, and that was very evident at that time in my life. Um, so then time passed and the beginning of June I was working in the temple.

Speaker 1:

Hey, big shocker here another, here's another reason why I needed to go through the temple at the time.

Speaker 2:

I saw this guy oh man, here we go yeah, he was pretty cute and I was like this guy's handsome.

Speaker 1:

He was working in the temple so he was also a and I was like this guy's handsome.

Speaker 2:

He was working in the temple, so he was also a worker and I was like man tall, dark and handsome, like brown hair, brown eyes. Obviously I knew he was a good guy. He was choosing to spend his time in the Lord's house.

Speaker 1:

Yeah.

Speaker 2:

Not many green flags.

Speaker 1:

Nothing but green flags.

Speaker 2:

Exactly, I'm like'm like good choices he's making, uh-huh, um. So I saw him. I don't. I'm still so sad. I don't really remember when I first noticed him. I'm thinking it was like beginning of june, uh-huh. And like a week or two later, I don't know, I was like um in the temple again and he came up and like said some really nerdy comment, I don't know, funny, and I was like the nerd um. But he left and I told the temple worker next to me. I was like he's cute and she was like, oh well, I think he's quite a bit older than you. Okay, okay, I'm like that's fine, like hey, all for the older guy yeah and um, she was like well, right.

Speaker 2:

She was like well, like give him your number. I was like I can't do that. She's like write your number down and I'll give it to him and I was like oh, okay, okay, you think? Right, right and just. If she hadn't encouraged me to be bold and confident, this wouldn't have happened. But apparently I found out later from jason apparently she was leaving the temple in the temple garage and saw him, like clear across and like chased him. Yeah, I'm like embarrassing. Oh, it's just her it's okay.

Speaker 1:

Oh my gosh it wasn't me.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, I'm like, thank you, like I, I owe her so much. That's really um. So she gave him my number and a couple days later he called me and I was on a different date and I was like sorry, I'm on a date right now.

Speaker 1:

Can I talk to you later?

Speaker 2:

so awkward, oh my gosh. Well, it was a random number and it was like a double date and they were like just answer like it's a, it's a. Yeah, what's the name was? It's a collect caller like a scam call. Like yeah, like a scam call. They were like this would be so funny. Answer I'm like okay, ha ha ha. Like answer. And it's this guy asking me out. Yeah, sorry. So I'm like trying not to tell. Like, let on to the date.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, that it's another dude that like it's a guy asking me on a date. But I'm also like trying.

Speaker 2:

I don't know turning him down and I wasn't.

Speaker 1:

I was like, oh yeah, I'd love to like see you sometime, call me yeah anyways, it worked.

Speaker 2:

Maybe later it was fine. So we had our first date, june 24th cool, and I mean obviously that's why I'm sharing the story. We got married um, but I took that as just a huge blessing from being at the temple. We got married at that temple. Not many people can say they met and married, met a person and married them in the same place. They met right um and the temple president at that time married us.

Speaker 2:

He always called us like his couple and it was just cool and like uh yeah, it was just neat, it was just a really good experience and I knew I needed to be at the temple that time and that would not have happened had I not gone through the temple a year earlier exactly. So everything happened for a reason and, um, that's kind of the end of that little series of experiences that just helped me see Christ in my life yeah.

Speaker 2:

I don't know if I made it clear enough, but Christ was in there, every, everywhere, everywhere for me. I just felt like everything happened for a reason, and in christ was that reason. I don't know, so, so cool.

Speaker 2:

That was hard and special time up, lots of ups and down, but christ never left me alone right, never once was I left alone. Yeah, he was there through the trials. He was the only one who who fully understood me. I think that was a huge thing. When my brother passed away, that I learned was, even though me and my siblings were all mourning and going through the same situation, we would still didn't get each other because we all had very different relationships. Right, we all had very different views on what was happening and how to mourn the right way to breathe.

Speaker 2:

And yes, and it was. We could turn to each other, but no one still fully understood, yeah, what I was going through and how I was dealing with it and, right, the special bond I had. Like, we all just had different bonds and different and so but the one person who did was christ. Yeah, and that was very. I think God did a very good job at making sure that I was forced to turn to Christ. I wouldn't say forced, but you know he knew what I needed. Yeah, made himself readily available.

Speaker 2:

Yes, exactly, that's cool. And Jesus was always there. I never had to look hard for him to be there. He came and found me and helped me through. So there's one more story that sticks out to me when I'm thinking about Christ helping me in my life, helping me through hard times and good times, and seeing that nothing's a coincidence like you bring up, and that has been kind of like my fertility journey, which is a big part of who I am. So my first daughter, then I had two miscarriages and so like to a lot of people like miscarriages really aren't that uncommon, right, a lot of people have dealt with them, people don't really talk about it and they should.

Speaker 1:

I agree, I think they should Agree.

Speaker 2:

But for me I'm a pretty, I feel emotions very strongly um so I struggled. These miscarriages were felt like life and death for me, like I just emotionally struggled, but also physically. They were really yeah, physically hard for me um and so at that time I was like all I want in life is to be a mom, like again going again my righteous desire, my righteous desire. Yeah, god, I know my plan. You just listen to my plan and um.

Speaker 2:

So when I was a temple worker at Provo City Center, you had to live in like a certain area right because they have like a district.

Speaker 1:

Yeah.

Speaker 2:

And so when I got married, we had moved to Orem.

Speaker 1:

And so I couldn't work at the temple anymore. Right.

Speaker 2:

And that's where I loved living in Orem. It was the best.

Speaker 1:

Yeah.

Speaker 2:

But that's where I had the two miscarriages and then, after living in Orem for a while, then we felt like we needed to move back to Provo. We moved back to Provo and one of the blessings in that was that I got to work at the temple again. Like my temple.

Speaker 1:

Yeah.

Speaker 2:

And so I'd had two miscarriages. Life was hard. I'm like I'm going to work at the temple, yeah, and it was great work in the temple, yeah, um, and it was great, it was good for me. Um, and in my life I have seen very direct blessings. I don't think everyone gets very like, right, hey, in your face, this is a blessing from serving in the temple. But like in my life I have like, yeah, I've been helped through hard times. I met my husband. I now got pregnant again and was able to keep the baby and I was like, yeah, like the blessings, like, okay, it's gonna be okay, right, and so getting pregnant and being able to keep that pregnancy, like I took that as a very just, direct and that god was aware of me. Um, so my first kid, I had 37 weeks exactly yeah like not a crazy, but she was considered.

Speaker 2:

Term, yes, not early and I was like okay, great, it's fine had to have a c-section because right, she's a punk and sassy and totally fit her personality and, uh, it was hard, it wasn't fun. I don't ever really want a c-section again right um, but I still look back and with very good fond memories of her and her birth, yeah, um, and I just felt blessed, cool, um, had my sassy little girl.

Speaker 2:

And then a little bit later, I mean, you know, I had this plan you have your kids every two years. You know that's what everybody does like, that's just what you do right and um, obviously my plan is still better than god's. I haven't learned anything right um, but I did.

Speaker 2:

I felt prompted to to get pregnant. I was like, okay, this is the right time, we're gonna have another baby, it's gonna be great, right. And um, a year later, I still wasn't pregnant. I was like, what the right, come on, I'm like my doctor had been helping us, like so, just like my normal ob was giving us some like fertility meds. Like, oh, this just helps, yeah, and it wasn't doing the trick. And I'm like, okay, like, come on, I want to be a mom, yeah, um. So finally, I was trying clomid, this beautiful medication that just makes you feel like a million bucks. It doesn't. It's miserable.

Speaker 1:

And I got pregnant.

Speaker 2:

I was like, sweet, like it worked, this is great, right. And then I had a miscarriage. I was like, are you kidding? Like what is wrong with my body? Come on Right. Like it took so long to get pregnant, right, it was so hard and I was so sad because, like I said, I feel emotions struggling and I was distraught and I was like, well, you know, I'm being a mom, it's fine, it's gonna work. And I was like you know what? I should start working in the temple, that'll help. But it was COVID, oh, darn it. So I put my name on the wait list. I was like that always helps me just feel peace. Every time I have had something hard in my life, the temple is where I felt the peace. That's where I felt my Savior the closest's where I felt like literal, direct blessings and seen I could just get through.

Speaker 2:

Like that helps me feel like I could get through the hard times, and so I put our me and jason both put our name on the wait list to be temple workers. Um, but by the time the temples opened after covid, I was pregnant so I was like okay well, I still take that as a blessing from being willing. Yeah, I was like okay, well, so I was already pregnant and oh my gosh, that second, that pregnancy with um, my second daughter was very amazing very hard.

Speaker 2:

Oh my gosh, it was so hard. I like could not stand. I was in pain. Yeah, I just ugh, I don't deal with pain.

Speaker 1:

Amazing either.

Speaker 2:

I just wanted to be a mom, I like this is so hard, I can't get pregnant. I can't have easy pregnancies. So far I haven't had an easy birth Like C-section Come on far. I haven't had an easy birth like c-section, come on, like whatever. So I ended up on bed rest and couldn't even take care of my first kid, like I just felt like a failure and went into labor at 35 weeks. I'm like, okay, come on. And at that point they're like okay, this is a preterm baby, not terribly preterm but right whatever, she ended up in the NICU, which was like a trial.

Speaker 2:

And then, on top of that, oh my gosh, I had a retained placenta and like it hurt, I was in pain and like these nurses are like, I don't think you're supposed to be feeling this much pain.

Speaker 1:

Pain.

Speaker 2:

Postpartum. But like God knew where I needed to be. But like God knew where I needed to be, and on that night, at one in the morning, I happened to be at the hospital with my baby and was able to go right downstairs and be at the ER and even though, like my husband, was able to find someone to babysit and come meet with me so that I wasn't alone, and but even even though I had been alone, like Christ was there still giving me the confidence to get checked out and being my friend.

Speaker 2:

So I wasn't alone because I'm emotional, by the way and he helped me through that and I just felt seen. And then, you know, two years later, I'm like obviously I need to have another baby and I was like, okay, well, like I've had all these trials, I couldn't get pregnant. I had hard pregnancies, I had hard labors, I had hard babies. I didn't want to sleep ever, like I'm going to get a break this time time, and famous last words oh, my gosh, yeah, so this is the pregnancy that I'm in right now, but it was which. Congratulations, though, thank you, thank you.

Speaker 2:

This is my little. I mean, I feel like all my kids are miracles, but this one's probably the biggest, yeah, miracle. This one just was really hard. It took a lot longer to get pregnant than it did with my second, and the medical interventions with my OB were not helping. And I went to a fertility specialist and again, like with everything in my life, like God only gives me a little dip compared to other people. Other people struggle way more, um, and I had no idea how much people like go through when they go to fertility specialists.

Speaker 1:

It's intense.

Speaker 2:

It's intense and I had no earthly idea, and it was. It opened my eyes. I feel like, um, god has helped me become aware of a lot of things and hopefully I can help others someday, but for me it was really hard, um, and so I went to this specialist. We did a lot of testing, um, some of them are pretty painful, um, and we got back just a lot of not fun news, a lot of stuff that was like, well, this is wrong with your body and this is wrong with your body.

Speaker 2:

And oh, by the way, this is wrong with your body and this is wrong with your body, and oh, by the way this is wrong with your body and it was like she thinks okay, this is great, and it was just emotional hard time for me. I mean, I'm still like trying to be a mom right and take care of my two beautiful kids that.

Speaker 2:

I love um and so finally, I finished all of that and I was just exhausted physically and mentally. But, like we came up with a plan, we tried some different drugs weren't helping and so we started doing IUIs, which is intrauterine insemination, which is normally just like a step before IVF. It's just a step to help you get pregnant. So we're doing these rounds, we're doing round after round of IUI and it's not working and it's like okay, so we're on this last round.

Speaker 2:

And they're like hey, well, actually they tell me they're like this round was not good. I'm like I've done all these. I gave myself a shots to like try to get this to work. I've been taking medicine, right, I am so hormonal.

Speaker 2:

I'm like I can't do this anymore and then they're like, by the way, like, looking at your body, I don't, this isn't the round, like you're not gonna get pregnant. Let's prep you for IVF. And I'm like, oh yeah, that's not expensive. Iui is expensive, right, and IVF is worse. Yeah, so they're prepping me for that and I'm scared and I mean it's a lot more invasive. Yeah, um, but I had still done the IUI. They just said it probably won't work, right. So I'm just feeling let down and suddenly I'm like pregnant and I'm like, okay, well, the round that they didn't think stunk worked. Like, this is great, I'm pregnant. It was awesome. It was amazing, like to go from such a low, low to such a high high. I was like, whoa, okay.

Speaker 1:

Well, does it help your hormones?

Speaker 2:

You're like yeah, well, and that's what was so hard is. I'm like sweet, this is awesome, I'm finally pregnant and it's like but my body has been tricked into feeling like it was pregnant, with all the medicine and all the things for a year now, or more so. So I was already exhausted, like I'm like feeling pregnancy symptoms with no baby. Oh my gosh. Yes, and so I was pregnant, but like I went through a really hard time because I didn't feel pregnant for so long I was like I feel pregnant, but I'm not.

Speaker 1:

I feel pregnant, but I'm not pregnant right, and so now I'm like you, I know I'm pregnant, so you're like is this baby real?

Speaker 2:

But I don't. It feels like I've been feeling I mean I'm throwing up more, but like I've been sick, I've been emotional.

Speaker 1:

I've been Right, all these other things, I'm just so done. Yeah.

Speaker 2:

And so I just already feel like I've been pregnant forever.

Speaker 1:

But the end is in sight. Oh my gosh, your end is Now.

Speaker 2:

It is, it's coming, but at that time I was just like oh, I feel miserable, and it just feels like for no reason, Like yeah. Am I pregnant and, like Right, with both of my girls. I had a miscarriage before, and so I haven't had a miscarriage before, and so I haven't had a miscarriage this time, so you're just kind of like waiting for the other shoe to drop, yeah I'm like just like what's gonna happen.

Speaker 2:

Have one like my body just does that, like it's gonna work right. So I was going in each week to just check on the baby and everything was doing really good and that was awesome to go in each week but I was still scared but like it was good, my doctors were on top of it. It was great they had me start doing daily shots. That hurt so bad. Oh, it was miserable. And I still didn't feel pregnant. I still felt miserable.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, and then, finally, at 20 weeks, which was way later than with both my girls, I felt him move.

Speaker 1:

And I was like okay, I'm pregnant.

Speaker 2:

This is the part I like him move and I was like, okay, I'm pregnant. This is the part I like about pregnancy yeah, feeling a baby move. So I actually felt pregnant, but during all of this it was so hard and I shed a lot of tears. I felt so alone. I didn't feel like I could complain because people struggled a lot worse.

Speaker 1:

Yeah.

Speaker 2:

Like people. I knew it, I couldn't complain. I couldn't, I didn't have a place to do that. But I also couldn't really relate to people who hadn't been in this situation.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, you're kind of in a weird limbo.

Speaker 2:

And, like your husband, tries his hardest, but he doesn't have any idea what you're going through. Yeah, Also half of what you're going through just feels crazy because it's hormones and you can't even control it.

Speaker 1:

You're like is this actually crazy, or is it just me? Yeah, it's hard, it's hard.

Speaker 2:

So I felt alone.

Speaker 2:

But, during all of this, I've never been closer to my savior. I've felt um his presence throughout all of it. I've I don't think I could have done it without him. Um, yeah, right, when I felt like there was no one I could turn to, when I felt like I was scared and I wasn't sure if I'd ever get pregnant, when I was felt like I'd been pregnant for a million and one years and I couldn't go another day and I couldn't give myself another shot, like, yeah, holding that shot in front of my stomach that's bruised and sore and like you bump it and it hurts. Like and holding that shot and knowing I had to do it, like the only strength I was able to get was from christ, yeah, was saying a prayer, was turning to god, um, and I think that just all of these experiences that I've had in my life have been um have helped me learn to rely on my savior.

Speaker 2:

And I heard once that, like the reason you get so close to God on your mission is because you like can't call your family and turn to them as much as you can when you're at home, right, and so I'm like I never had that experience.

Speaker 2:

I never did that, so God made sure I had those experiences, um, where I just I had a lot of experiences where I just, yeah, the only one who could understand me was Christ, and I'm so grateful for that. And I know I, with what I've gone through, I could never deny Christ. I could never say that little things in my life were a coincidence. I could never say that Heavenly Father wasn't perfectly aware of me and guiding my path and for how hard everything was like. I'm very grateful for what I have been through Because it's made me the mom I want to be. It's helped me teach my daughters to be, to turn to christ and to know that they're never alone, and I love giving them that power yeah, um, right, and having that friendship with him that we can have, like he can be our friend and, yeah, I'm grateful for that that's so cool.

Speaker 1:

Ashley, you're amazing. Thank you so much for coming tonight and just sharing all these really just really heartfelt wonderful things. And yeah, I I don't have anything else to say I really I really think you you did amazing tonight. Are there any other final thoughts or do you? Would you, do you want to leave us with a brief test? I know you kind of just said test, you just going a little bit right there, but if you have any other final thoughts or would like to just share a brief testimony before we end, I would appreciate that. But really tonight has been really cool. A lot of the stuff that you've said has been so powerful, so thank you for sharing.

Speaker 2:

Thank you, lily. I appreciate that it was hard to share some of the things, but I'm grateful for this opportunity to be here, aware of us, and that every little tiny trial we go through, big or small is, is for a reason. Um, I know that we can grow, as, as we allow um, our savior, to help us through, then that is what will grip, that is what will give us strength, and I know that Christ can change your past, improve your present and make your future brighter. That is just something that I have seen and I know, um, I know that, uh, uh, my savior loves me and he loves everyone. We're all important to him and we all get to feel that love if we let him into our life, um, that he's there and he wants to be in our life and he loves us no matter what, even when we're imperfect and we think we know better. He loves us no matter what and I know that and thank you for letting me be here and to share that with with you.

Speaker 1:

Thank you for being here tonight. I appreciate it. Thanks again for tuning into more than Than Coincidence Remembering Jesus Christ in your Story. Please follow us on social media or share us with a friend. If you have an experience you'd like to share, feel free to reach out to morethancoincidencerememberhim at gmailcom. I can't wait to hear all of the amazing memories you all have of our Savior. See you next time.